Everyday Missionary

One of the biggest lessons I learned from a painful 5.5 years in the convent I was in: you didn't have to leave home to be a missionary. St. Teresa of Calcutta said it best: "I alone cannot change the world, but I can cast a stone across the waters to create many ripples." The best way to start, she said, was to go home and love your family. It may sound against the Gospel, but only out of context. But it isn't about loving those who love you. As Jesus said, "No prophet is without honor except in his native town. (Lk 4:24)" You try setting a good example among those who think they know you well, and just see how hard it is to witness to them. Even Jesus couldn't do much in His hometown for their lack of faith. 

What do missionaries do? They pray, they help people with education, health, community matters, and even small businesses - all while proclaiming Christ as our one true Savior and Lord. Do you think that is impossible to do where you live? I don't know where the saying came from, but it is a favorite of mine: "I am not a Christian because I am strong or better than others. I am a Christian because I am weak and admit I need a Savior." I can't tell you how many people I met that thought nuns and priests were sacrosanct in their vocation. They're not - they are just as fallible as anyone, just as human. As an ex-nun, I can't remember the times people have told me about their bad experiences with self-proclaimed "Christians." The people around you need you to witness to them. They need the example of the honest and devout follower of Christ. They need you to speak their language, from country folk to big city talk and everything in between. The people you will meet: some may not know Christ, others have bad experiences with Christianity, and others are self-righteous. You have a vocation: grow where God put you (no matter where that may be).

Being an everyday missionary means living up to your baptismal promises where you are right now.  You don't have to go to extraordinary lengths in miles or efforts to bear witness to the Gospel. It really is the hardest missionary job of all. For the moment, forget being in a foreign country, where the food and language are beyond your comprehension. The point is that "out" there, those people don't know you - you have a blank slate to start your life anew, and the people get to know you without specific preconceived notions of your particular state of life and abilities. Yes, you might go to Asia or the Middle East, where Christianity is persecuted and overall unwelcome - but you can get the same response at home! How many of us are told that religion is an unwelcome topic for conversation?

As simple as it is, some of us still feel we are not doing enough. Yes, there is always more to do, for the harvest is plenty but the workers are few. You may even wonder how to even go about it, how to start being an everyday missionary. The best answer came from St. Francis of Assisi, who told his brethren: "Preach. And if necessary, use words." It is by your example, yes, your behavior, your attitude, your interactions and deeds that people will know what it means to be Christian. That, my friends, is being a missionary.

God's Way

God's ways are not our ways, said the psalmist.

After a difficult struggle with PTSD, Panic Disorder, and General Anxiety Disorder, my doctor decided it was time to ease off using one of my anti-anxiety meds. Unfortunately, one of the withdrawal symptoms of this particular drug is nightmares or vivid dreaming. Nightmares it was. And as much as I'd pray to not have nightmares, they continued as I decreased my medication. No supplement helped, either - Melatonin, Valerian - you name it. It was starting to get difficult for lack of sleep because I avoided going to bed to face those nightmares. As I wondered what particular saint to ask for intervention, having been praying to St. Dymphna for many years, St. Raphael, the Blessed Virgin, and St. Anthony, I was at a loss as to who to turn to for this particular problem.

Oddly, though, God sent me an unlikely saint: St. Maximilian Kolbe. Not only is he the patron saint of prisoners but of drug addicts. And as this was a drug dependency related problem, I asked for his help. He was waiting for his cue in the wings, one might say, because he intervened immediately and I have had no nightmares or alarmingly vivid dreams from the first night I asked for his help. I sometimes think we overlook the root of the problem, having got caught up in all the effects. I'm definitely going to focus more on the cause of an issue from now on before I get caught up in the overwhelming storm. Like global warming.

Wake Up Call

Well, this year hasn't gone smoothly. After leaving the call center to go back to caregiving in a home, I had to quit just after 2 months there for reporting a "valued" employee to DSHS for 2 accounts of neglect. Don't know how the investigation turned out, but I didn't stick around to be fired. Got a job a The Dollar Tree close by my old work as seasonal to finish out the rest of the year. I forgot how stressful retail seasonal was...

Still dealing with major depression, but improvement has been made. Much to the alarm of a family member, when I get overwhelmed emotionally and or physically, I'll say out loud that "I could just quit." She spoke about her concern that I was running away from any problems that came up, but I laid down the bare facts for her. It was my coping mechanism. Instead of saying "I can always take my life" (as I used to think to myself when overwhelmed), I cope with stress by merely reminding myself that there is another way out, and another job waiting somewhere. "I can always quit" is a major improvement to "I can always kill myself."

"Slender Man" is real!

O Lord, hear the words of my prayer – let this message reach the right audience!

Dear Readers,

Many of you have heard on the news about this Slender Man character/meme from a popular dark site called Creepy Pasta. Many people think it’s just a figment of imagination – but it’s not. It is a demon. One that I and my brother encountered about 18 years ago, before the web became a way of life. It haunted our house – in particular my brother’s room, for reasons we did not know or understand. It made its presence known by an aura of darkness and fear. We had more than one demon to deal with at times, but this one was always present, as if trying to scare us to death, sticking to the darkest corners.

We did not call it Slender Man in those days, though looking back it would have made sense to call it that. We called it the Slim One. At times, it would physically manifest itself to sight, which impressed itself strongly on my memory from the first moment. And if I had not seen it myself, I would not give credit to the “figment” of Slender Man.

We are devout Catholics; we tried prayer, house blessings, blessed salt, St. Michael statue, crosses and crucifixes but it never stayed away long, like there was a bad penny under the carpet or something. We did not play with anything that would invite a demon or evil spirit, such as an Ouija board or Dungeons and Dragons. After many years of haunting, and only after much prayer and fasting (as our Lord Jesus said) did we drive it out: with the Green Scapular. Each time, with a prayer and a push pin, I put them on every wall and corner of my brother’s room and it worked. The demon was gone, and I never knew where it had gone until I read the story of the Slender Man stabbing.

Since then, I have looked upon many a demon – all Creepy Pasta characters – and I beg you to watch out for yourselves and your loved ones. The web is an electronic portal for these malignant spirits to use; some people are exposed accidently, and some are exposed by curiosity (and you know what’s said about that!). For years people argued about the “possible” link between violence and video games. Well, as a kid who grew up with classmates who were into that, I can testify that the link exists. And if you’ve chanced to read this article, don’t dismiss the vulnerability of a careless young mind.

Many Blessings

Our family has been blessed with twin baby girls, the newest members of my sister's family. Sophia and Sarah born at 31 weeks are doing well, as is their mom. They are not the only newest members of our family. I have sponsored two children, one from Peru and one from Ethiopia: Jimena and Mesekerem. As most blessings do, more responsibilities follow. My children are adopted, 2- and 4-legged.  

Solemn Manda

Back in April, when I was worried I would lose my job, I made a manda to Our Lady of Guadalupe that not only should she save and keep my job for me but also obtain more hours for me that I would save up to make a pilgrimage to her shrine in Mexico City. By the beginning of May, 6 days after I began a 54-day rosary novena, she answered my prayer in full. My job is secure and I got more hours at work. Now I'm saving $20 a paycheck to go to Guadalupe, even if it will take 5 years to save enough money to go on a pilgrimage. To be honest, I wouldn't mind having a sponsor to get to Guadalupe. And as I don't fancy going alone, it will either be with an arranged pilgrimage party or with someone I know to go with me. At least it gives me time to brush up on my Spanish.

A Moment in Time

Hello again! Almost a year since I last posted anything! So much has happened - graduating, getting work, keeping work... Oh, so much to tell! So many journal entries!

Tonight, as I took the dogs out one last time for the night, I found myself gazing upon the mountain, highlighted with the last rays of sunset. As I gazed, I heard His voice - I heard Him calling to me. It was just a moment, but for that moment nothing else existed - nothing else around me mattered. "The mountains are calling, and I must go" was an expression used earlier this year for commercials on TV. But the mountain wasn't calling - God was. I kept going out even after sunset to hear His voice, but for naught. After everything, all this time and what has happened, I had thought we'd grown apart. But we never separated. I may have gone astray from my heart's true love, my very purpose of being like a lost sheep, but He calls to me. And nothing in this world sounds sweeter or more captivating than my Beloved's voice calling me to Him. Speak, Lord, I love to listen to Your voice. See Lord, here I am.