After my last therapy session for Easter PTSD with Colleen (my therapist), I was inspired once again to write a book about my experiences - but not about the convent years. A book about how I went about recovering from losing that which I held more dear than my life's breath. I've spent time reflecting, perhaps unnecessarily breast-beating myself about my own inadequacies, on my true state of wretchedness in being unworthy to be Christ's bride... I came to the realization, as all saints have, that all are unworthy and wretched. I entered a "discommunity" - a dysfunctional one of broken women struggling who were with their own problems. It was I who had presumed, that when God called me to serve, that He wanted me there my whole life. But instead, I was a sacrificial victim only for a time - God knew how much I could handle. He made me a missionary to them instead of pagan lands. I know, as He has very evidently demonstrated, that He has plans for me, for my whole life, outside the convent or cloister.
I used to see things in black and white...I've changed a lot and there's always room for growth. I asked my darling Granny to write me 'encouragement letters' during Lent, and she has done. A few days ago, she sent me a clipping from her parish bulletin. I wish to share it with you:
A Lenten Prayer: How to Fast by Lisa Terneus
Fast from judging others; feast on the Christ dwelling within them
Fast from emphasis on differences; feast on the unity of life.
Fast from apparent darkness; feast on the reality of light.
Fast from words that pollute; feast on phrases that purify.
Fast from discontent; feast on gratitude.
Fast from anger; feast on patience.
Fast from pessimism; feast on optimism.
Fast from worry; feast on trust.
Fast from complaining; feast on appreciation.
Fast from negatives; feast on affirmatives.
Fast from unrelenting pressures; feast on unceasing prayer.
Fast from hostility; feast on nonviolence.
Fast from bitterness; feast on forgiveness.
Fast from self-concern; feast on compassion for others.
Fast from personal anxiety; feast on eternal truth.
Fast from discouragement; feast on hope.
Fast from facts that depress; feast on truths that uplift.
Fast from lethargy; feast on enthusiasm.
Fast from suspicion; feast on truth.
Fast from thoughts that weaken; feast on promises that inspire.
Fast from idle gossip; feast on purposeful silence.
Gentle God, during this season of fasting and feasting, gift us with Your Presence, so we can be gifts to others in carrying out your work.
-Amen.
Wherever you are, Lisa Terneus, thank you for sharing this inspiring prayer that brings us to reflect face to face with the Truth!
