Saturday, January 28, 2012

Thinking of St. Philomena

After reading "St. Philomena: The Wonder Worker," every thought and care I've asked her to join with me in prayer or pray for me.  Currently making a second novena of chaplets, trying to steer my life in the direction God gives me (soon, I hope) - I am thinking about going back to WWU for a master's degree.  Not sure in what yet, but it seems more hopeful than agonizing over retraining at the local tech college for having to pick out 'the perfect' area of study to get a job in.  I've tried more than three times to go there and WCC for career retraining, and it always flops.  After a long talk with my family, it seems pursuing a master's degree will open more doors.  I am very open to suggestions from anyone about what to take.

I began my novena, and I know it must have been the little saint, because someone clearly asked me when I asked for help to get some kind of funding to go to school - something to the effect of "Would you like someone to pay for your schooling?" - as if an anonymous donor would leap to the fore and come to my aid.  I immediately laughed and somewhat scoffed at the thought that this was even possible to be done for me, no matter how influential St. Philomena or the Virgin are, and I replied "No" - I wasn't exactly thinking along those lines.  And as suddenly as the voice had clearly spoken to me, I suddenly realized that I had turned down an offer that would not likely ever be repeated, and was disappointed in myself for doubting.  I still sit here and wonder if someone would ever do that for me.  The answer is likely no - the few that would haven't the money, and the fewer who could would do it in return of a favor from the saint.  How many graces go unreceived because we never even think to pray for them...especially the little things and I'm not talking money.

I made the teddy bear rosary I talked about a while ago, and posted it on my etsy shop last night.  Of all the encouragement I got, very few have taken the time to see it though I've posted on Facebook and Pinterest, and fewer have noted that they like it.  Yes, something of a disappointment to me.  I only charged the cost of the supplies plus what I normally charge for making a regular rosary.  Maybe $85 does seem a bit steep to most people.  I could just recoup my outlay and charge around $60, but the laborer is worthy of her hire.  I expected more of a reaction to say the least about that particular piece, but there's not as much interest as I thought.  Yes, disappointing.  Yet, there is so much to be thankful for - and all I can see is gloom.  God help me.

Wednesday, January 11, 2012

Hope Through Mary

I've been praying the rosary more than I used to - those things that bring you to your knees often remind you how much you need God's help.  Well, out of character, the DSHS has granted me an interview for Food and Cash Assistance, and since I have just started PT in recovery from my fall and am still fighting bronchitis, getting a job is not going to happen in the next week.  God willing, I might actually get some help, but knowing our family's luck I have as much success in getting government aid as Blackbeard does of ice skating in hell.  But, for Mary - God would hear my prayer.  So I entrust this cause to her as I cannot afford to lose the opportunity for my family's sake.  By her prayer, God willing, my father will get this one-year contracting job with a local engineering company he used to work for when we first moved to Washington state.  I read recently of a friend of mine's experience with Mary in her life - how blessed she was to be touched by her, especially as a Methodist.  I often think of my relationship with her...Mary I mean.  At 17 joining the convent, we Catholics are taught that nuns are the spiritual brides of Christ.  Very prayerful and eager, I was a little overconfident in my approach as not her daughter by virtue of the universal brotherhood of mankind to Christ Jesus but as a Carmelite nun in training, her daughter-in-law, so to speak.  Well, I have to admit that my prayers in the convent were always heard and I always got clear answers to my prayers.  When I found myself in PTSD at the end of six and a half years of being in the convent with no alternative to save my sanity but to leave, my confidence slackened to almost nil.  If it weren't for the faint hope I had in Our Lady of Guadalupe, Mother of all Americans (north, central, and southern), I doubt I would have stayed Catholic.  It was the darkest hour of my faith.  However, I am finding that the more I pray the rosary, the more help I get in all my needs and that my prayers are answered faster with much more blessings than I ever expected.  You can't go wrong to pray the rosary!  The older I get, the more I want to do for my Mother, the Mother of all mankind and of my brother, Jesus.  Despite all odds and setbacks, I think of that dream that St. Francis had of his brothers reaching heaven by climbing the rosary ladder...and I hope that's how I'll meet her in the end.  Though my mother prayed non-stop to Mary for my safe delivery into this world and consecrated/entrusted me to her maternal care, and all the signs that followed in my childhood, it has been choices of my own that have kept me near her, in spite of all evil.  Hail Mary, full of grace!